I was finally approved last week! It's been a very thorough process... I felt like I was basically naked in front of the social workers while they poked and examined my finances, home, family history, medical records, personal references, social life, employment history...
But I'm in! I signed the contract on Monday, and from now on, I keep my phone VERY close.... It is INSANE to think that I could be typing this and *BOOM* - all of a sudden, I get a phone call, and before I finish this sentence, I'm somebody's mommy. (Or two somebody's mommy.... or however you would say that....)
I went out and bought non-perishable kid-friendly food. Not the healthiest stuff on the planet, but familiar stuff. Chicken nuggets, goldfish crackers, waffles.... I dedicated an entire kitchen drawer to just kid snacks and tied a pretty blue ribbon around the handle. (Foster kids sometimes come from homes where they were deprived of food due to neglect, abuse, or poverty... so they can be hoarders. I want the children in my home to know they won't have to worry about having enough to eat.)
I also created some sticker charts and behavior expectations. I'll post a picture soon. These will change based on the children's ages and behavior issues, but I want to have at least something ready for the moment they join my family. You might think I'm bossy, (and maybe I might be!), but from my experience, children in crisis crave clarity and consistency. That is what I want to set up from the start.... So I have 4 expectations for teh child. You'll see those on the pic that I hope to post soon. (I know none of this will unfold exactly this smoothly, but I'm giving it my best shot while I still have the time to think out and prep this stuff!) :)
I have all the school and daycare enrollment forms filled out with my info.... it's a funny thing to look at the line for "Child's Name" and wonder what it will be....
I have all the clinic, social workers, etc phone numbers posted and programed into my phone... as well as the driving directions to the clinic where the children will go within 48 hours for a physical.
Not just anybody can babysit a foster child. They need to be fingerprinted and submit to a background check first. My brave friends are going through that now in case I ever need to ask someone to watch a child or two for some reason.
I installed car seats and booster chairs. I installed the required safety latch on the drawer with the kitchen knives --- and uttered a string of curse words in the process. (That stuff is not meant to be put together by single parents!! You need like 5 hands!!)
And other than that.... there's not much else to do.
Just waiting..... and waiting..... and waiting......
Thursday, February 10, 2011
Letter to Birth Parent
Dear Friend,
This is probably one of the most challenging periods of your life as a parent, and I won’t pretend to know exactly what it is like to have your child taken from your arms.
But here is what I do know. You love your child. No matter what mistakes you’ve made as a parent (and trust me, everyone makes mistakes), I know that you never intended this to happen. I believe you do want to be the parent your child deserves.
I began this letter by calling you “Friend” for a reason. I want you to know that I am not your enemy. I will never speak negatively of you to your child. I am not going to try to change who your child is or the dreams you have for him/her. I love your child, and he/she may grow to love me back, but I will never replace you. (The awesome thing about love is that there is no limit in how much you can give or receive.) Take comfort in the fact that your child is being loved and protected just the way you would want him/her to be. You don’t know me yet, but I hope that once you do, you will feel at peace knowing that you can trust me. I do not have birth children of my own (although I may someday in the future when I am married), but I have been a babysitter, nanny, auntie, and caregiver for children for many years. Parents trust me with their children, and you can, too. I am also currently an elementary school teacher in Lexington, and I have spent the last few summers volunteering in orphanages in different countries.
I know you may have heard stories or seen movies with horrible foster parents doing unimaginable things to children, and I promise you that nothing like that will EVER happen to your child under my watch. Those foster parents you hear about are not the norm. The foster parents I know are wonderful, loving people… just the kind of families you would want watching your kids while you’re gone.
I made 3 promises to your child. These same promises I make to you.
1. I promise to do everything in my power to protect your precious child.
2. I promise that I will never try to hurt him/her.
3. Finally, I promise to love your beautiful child unconditionally just as I would want someone else to love my own child unconditionally if I could not be there.
Finally, I just want to speak hope to you. There is nothing you have done that is beyond the grace of God. He can make all things new. He creates beauty from ashes! I have personally seen Him transform even the most hopeless, desperate situations into victories. God is always for the underdog. Turn to Him, show Him your heart, tell Him you are sorry for the ways you have failed to live up to the person you were created to be, and He will not fail to rescue you. These are not empty words I am writing to you. They are real; the God I know can be trusted. The changes you will have to make in your life in order to have your children returned to you are not easy. If you find that you are not be able to do them on your own, cry out to God wherever you are, do the most good you can, and trust Him for help. The context for a miracle is always sacrifice. If you give everything you have to Him, He will transform you. Again, this is not just fake Christian blah-blah-blah. God is real, God is love, and He desires nothing more than to have you know this.
I hope you are not offended by this. I almost deleted these last 2 paragraphs…. But I HAVE to write it. I am here to support you, and the best thing I can offer you – the only thing that really means anything - is to tell you that you have direct access to the Creator of the universe who loves you a million times more than you know.
Your friend,
Nova
This is probably one of the most challenging periods of your life as a parent, and I won’t pretend to know exactly what it is like to have your child taken from your arms.
But here is what I do know. You love your child. No matter what mistakes you’ve made as a parent (and trust me, everyone makes mistakes), I know that you never intended this to happen. I believe you do want to be the parent your child deserves.
I began this letter by calling you “Friend” for a reason. I want you to know that I am not your enemy. I will never speak negatively of you to your child. I am not going to try to change who your child is or the dreams you have for him/her. I love your child, and he/she may grow to love me back, but I will never replace you. (The awesome thing about love is that there is no limit in how much you can give or receive.) Take comfort in the fact that your child is being loved and protected just the way you would want him/her to be. You don’t know me yet, but I hope that once you do, you will feel at peace knowing that you can trust me. I do not have birth children of my own (although I may someday in the future when I am married), but I have been a babysitter, nanny, auntie, and caregiver for children for many years. Parents trust me with their children, and you can, too. I am also currently an elementary school teacher in Lexington, and I have spent the last few summers volunteering in orphanages in different countries.
I know you may have heard stories or seen movies with horrible foster parents doing unimaginable things to children, and I promise you that nothing like that will EVER happen to your child under my watch. Those foster parents you hear about are not the norm. The foster parents I know are wonderful, loving people… just the kind of families you would want watching your kids while you’re gone.
I made 3 promises to your child. These same promises I make to you.
1. I promise to do everything in my power to protect your precious child.
2. I promise that I will never try to hurt him/her.
3. Finally, I promise to love your beautiful child unconditionally just as I would want someone else to love my own child unconditionally if I could not be there.
Finally, I just want to speak hope to you. There is nothing you have done that is beyond the grace of God. He can make all things new. He creates beauty from ashes! I have personally seen Him transform even the most hopeless, desperate situations into victories. God is always for the underdog. Turn to Him, show Him your heart, tell Him you are sorry for the ways you have failed to live up to the person you were created to be, and He will not fail to rescue you. These are not empty words I am writing to you. They are real; the God I know can be trusted. The changes you will have to make in your life in order to have your children returned to you are not easy. If you find that you are not be able to do them on your own, cry out to God wherever you are, do the most good you can, and trust Him for help. The context for a miracle is always sacrifice. If you give everything you have to Him, He will transform you. Again, this is not just fake Christian blah-blah-blah. God is real, God is love, and He desires nothing more than to have you know this.
I hope you are not offended by this. I almost deleted these last 2 paragraphs…. But I HAVE to write it. I am here to support you, and the best thing I can offer you – the only thing that really means anything - is to tell you that you have direct access to the Creator of the universe who loves you a million times more than you know.
Your friend,
Nova
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